I’m sitting on the couch watching T.V. with my little sister, I’m 10 years old and it’s a Friday night. My favorite block of cartoons is playing across the screen, and then I hear it: the sound of the door being unlocked clumsily, and the slight groan from behind it. My Dad’s home from another long night of drinking with the guys. I turn off the television and race to my room, trying to will sleep to come, wishing I’d gone to bed sooner so that I didn’t have to hear them fight again. I know it’s inevitable; every time he comes home drunk he ends up either passing out on the floor where my mom will have to drag him to bed, or getting angry about something or another starting a large and explicit argument. As I predicted, I hear yelling from the living room, and hide my head underneath my pillow. I ignore the sounds of glass breaking, my mom crying and my dad yelling, slurred and ridiculously angry. I make a vow right then and there; I’ll never touch alcohol as long as I live.
Fast forward nine years to a New Year’s party at my house where I find myself pounding back beer after beer until at long last I lose count and partial consciousness. The rest of the night goes well through my eyes, I’m on autopilot and flying straight into the side of a mountain, but I don’t realize it, not until the morning after. I don’t realize how many people I’ve argued with, or how sexually inappropriate I became as the night dragged on; I don’t notice how angry I am when I finally go to bed, or when my mom looks at me with tears in her eyes and tells me that I need to cut myself off, I’ve had enough. I also don’t realize that I’ve spent the last four months this way, partying every other day, getting more and more intoxicated as each night progresses until I find myself here, my father’s daughter, at rock bottom.
Alcoholism is an addiction that develops when a person over indulges in the consumption of alcohol. In 1991, the American Medical Association declared alcoholism a potentially fatal disease. Alcohol consumption has existed in our society for centuries and today it is considered a large part of social life. Although drinking moderately is not harmful, it becomes a problem when a person consumes alcohol excessively and affects not only their health but also the people around them.
Alcohol abuse, if not given timely treatment, can lead to alcohol dependence, where the person can’t stay away from alcohol, even if they know its consequences. Many people don’t realize that alcoholism is also hereditary; I myself chose to be ignorant of this fact. Every time my mom warned me about drinking, I ignored it. Almost everyone at my age drinks socially, so why should it be a problem if I do? At least that was my attitude before, but the truth is that children who are born to alcoholics are more prone towards alcoholism than the others, though that doesn’t mean that every alcoholic has come from a family of other alcohol dependants.
My father has been an alcoholic since he was 15 years old. That’s a long time. I didn’t start drinking until I was 17, and even then I didn’t start drinking heavily until I was almost 19. As is usual with alcoholism, I began consuming alcohol at a heavier rate to cover up or “numb” the problems in my life that I didn’t want to be sober enough to experience. I expect this is the same reason why my Dad drinks, though I won’t go into the details of his life.
Many people drink to escape, but some, also like me in many cases, simply consume alcohol because everyone else is doing it. Same old story of peer pressure: if all your friends are ready to party, you are more likely to join in on the jello shots. People drink to feel good, to laugh, to have a good time, though that good time can end with you unconscious in someone’s bathroom if you aren’t careful.
Alcohol acts as a depressant on the central nervous system. This can lead to a decrease of activity, anxiety, tension and inhibitions. Alcohol affects other body systems as well. Gastrointestinal tract irritation can happen with erosion of the esophagus and stomach linings, causing nausea, vomiting and even bleeding. About 15% of the population in the United States is alcoholic. Approximately 5% to 10% of male drinkers and 3% to 5% of female drinkers could be diagnosed as alcohol dependent. This means about 12 million people in the USA alone. According to statistics on www.sadd.org, about 10.8 million people ages 12-20, 28.2% reported drinking alcohol in the past month. Nearly 7.2 million, 18.8%, were binge drinkers, and 2.3 million, 6.0%, were heavy drinkers.
Many people overlook the fact that alcohol is a drug because it’s legal, is consumed in social situations and is not harmful if taken in moderation. Though I don’t expect prohibition to ever take effect again, I do urge people to take a good look in the mirror if they suspect that they may be growing a dependence on alcohol in their life. I had to take that look, and what I saw was ugly: a slight replica of the life I’d grown up promising myself I would never have because I saw how it had destroyed my family. But it helped me grow out of that dependence and into a happier person. I love my father and that will never change. Even though I’ve seen him at his worst I hope that someday he can find his way out of the bottle like I did. I hope he can learn what I learned: that being numb to life doesn’t make the pain go away; it just brings more pain to the people who care about you and to yourself. I choose to no longer live under the shadow of the bottle, so that the world can see me through sober eyes. Hopefully every other person who has ever lived under that shadow can someday choose to do the same.
Daughter of an Alcoholic
Living under the shadow of the bottle
Published: Monday, March 1, 2010
Updated: Monday, March 1, 2010
 "Photo: Photo courtesy Danielle Porter")
Photo courtesy Danielle Porter
Danielle still has a child-like side.
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